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GOD
spoke @ 1:31 PM
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CRITICAL INCIDENTS IN THE WORKPLACE:
Being the god that i am. I have a tight ship and schedule to run. And just like any other successful CEO of an organisation i have to make sure that the people i work with (satan, elvis, mother nature, the mask, etc ... yes the're all working with me) are happy and contented or this will produce bad consequences for the company. Go learn your communication skills module if you aren't familliar with office corporate culture. So there i was on a normal monday workday floating through my abode when i saw mother nature... normally i would have just chatted with her but something she was about to do caught my eye and i had to summon my powers and charge her down and knock the friggin ciggerette out of her hand that she was about to light.
GOD(me) : what the hell???, this is heaven.. don't you know we have a strict no smoking policy here since the last time we tried having a barbecue ... what happened .. the dinosaurs died .. are you crazy or something??
Mother Nature: Ahh the're killing themselves down there .. might as well help them with it ...
GOD: who??
Mother Nature: you don't really follow events down there do you ?
GOD: I try my best .. but i also have school.. i'm god n all but .. come on .. even i need a break..
Mother Nature: very well "GOD" .. i shall enlighten you.. first they burnt the rainforests in the name of civillisation. Then they had wars in the name of terrorism abolishment... but this is the last straw... the're burning paper for dead relatives... it's called hell money ..
GOD: hmmmmmm...ok ill look into this matter.. in the meantime i want you to attend the smoking clinic.
i walked off, later that day i received a letter of resignation from my old buddy satan... it seemed that the situation was getting serious.. it read.
Dear divine idiot who cast me into hell for an eternity but had the decency to make me the ruler of hell.
After a millenia, i have decided to call it quits...please don't take this the wrong way and think that i've repented and that you can finally redeem me as an angel once again... rather it's just that i think the the chinese citizens of hell have made my job satisfaction rate go down to an absolute zero, for you see they have figured out that once after spending their time in hell... they get to be reborn.. as such they have taken the hungry ghost concept to the next step here in hell...i thought i was the one making their lives here in hell dreadful by casting fires everywhere .. but now it seems that they are creating their own fires and burning paper in them as well to prepare for their next life on earth... divine idiot.. im sorry... after all these incidents .. i can't look at another evil soul who's just gotten into hell and say "you're gonna burn in hell" .. they might just take it literally ... when the indians wanted the role of moneylenders and changers for the chinese here in hell .. i gave them that ... but i have had enough divine idiot... hell's become too hot for me..and there's ash everywhere .. the demons are having asthma attacks and they can't perform their tasks as well ...
anyways mr "high and mighty" ... im leaving .. gonna seek work as a pimp.. if you ever need to ..you know ... well you know whom to call ... ill get u some angelic faces ... alright it's been nice working with you but .. i have to quit..peace to you bitch and goodbye...
The full picture was came to me now .. The mask... just whizzed past me and merely said "SMOKIN!!!' ... i was done for .. this was how the universe was to end.. and i was powerless to stop it.
disclaimer: the events above are fiction.. pure fiction and not to be taken seriously, any insults to the chinese race is regretted as only one or 2 assmonkeys burn wherever they please .. thus fucking up the environment for the rest of us oxygen breathers ... while it may please your dead relatives in hell to receive money and become playas in hell driving the benz up and down.. to the rest of us living here.. spare a thought and burn the hell money in the bins provided and try not to start a forest fire while you're at it ..
God has left the blogging....
What can i say, apparently im coming off as a corrupt divine being.. well so what, politicians get roles of power.. what do they do?? So if any hot females who want to make out with GOD...and are above the age of 18.. holler bitch .. holler..just be sure that you live in or currently reside in singapore.. unless you're willing to pay for the airfare and accomodation... aside from that.. im also a gifted goalscorer despite my hefty frame in the game of football, so much so that i go by many names... GOD .. henry.. nistelrooy.. van basten .. but my real name happens to be Roberto Baggio...pity no coach sees talent in fat footballers..while they themselves are allowed to be fat..funny irony i guess.. i also like astral travelling and talking to the dead (hey, im god..) Reading the works of robert rankin, borough williams, ayn rand, george orwell and others. Budding porn star having won the porn idol competition where i beat all other males for the title of world porn idol 2004. And lastly an excellent tall tale composer.
don't bother reading this at all
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